A sampling of comments

An important comment received regarding the use of the term "birthmother" along with reply:

I want to convey that under no circumstance will I sign my name to anything or give testimony to anyone referring to myself as a birthmother.

I disagree with your saying that the term "birthmother" is used consistently for legal purposes. The term was not used on legal documents of the Baby Scoop Era and I question its been used on any legal document after that time.

African Americans did not refer to themselves using the "n" word in the fight of the civil rights movement, nor will I not demean myself in language to appease their senses just to have their attention.

~ A 60's Mother

Reply:

Thank you for sharing your comments and feelings.

First, let me assure you that you would never be asked to sign anything or appear anywhere against your will. We are asking those who WANT TO, to do so if necessary. Using your analogy of African Americans, No one forced Rosa Parks to stay on that bus, and no one forced anyone to march alongside her and Martin Luther King in the subsequent struggle for human and civil rights. Only those who felt COMPELLED to stand up, did so.

Like those who fought for the civil rights of Blacks in America, many of us have been working fervently (myself for nearly three decade) to reverse laws which deny adoptees their civil rights. Every state in which legislation regarding adoption, and particularly sealed records, is represented - whether passed or not - the term BIRTHMOTHER is used to describe the woman who gave birth to the child subsequently adopted.

Please check the bill in the state of Pennsylvania, for a current example. It also appears on many of the relinquishment papers we are collecting, and in other legal documents such as litigation to reverse an adoption, a recent case over monies left in a will, etc., etc. The legal term was changed from “biological mother” in the 60’s.

Additionally, any and all newspaper accounts involving adoptees and their original mothers use the term BIRTHMOTHER when describing reunions or contested adoptions or whatever. It is the current accepted lexicon.

Finally, Concerned United Birthparents, the largest group representing birthparents nationally, with branches in San Diego, Los Angeles, DC Metro, Boston, Twin Cities, Denver, Louisville, and Portland, OR recently debated the issue of changing the name and decided to keep it. (If you search the Internet, you should be able to find the debate online, if not contact CUB for a back issue of the newsletter with that in it. You can also find and read the history of the adoption reform movement in this country online. ) PART of CUB’s reason is that they do have national recognition with legislators, etc.

We understand FULLY that many women do not like the term and feel it is offensive and I know WHY they feel that way. We totally respect and are sensitive to that point of view, and do not disagree that “original” or “first” mother describes our role better and we would join anyone who started a campaign to change the current lexicon.

You are quite right. Blacks did it, and so did gays. They changed what they had been identified as. And we fully support those mothers who wish to do the same. To date, I have heard isolated pockets of women complaining about it, but have seen no effort to DO anything about it. Go for it! Get organized. Start a campaign and petition the press and the legislators to change the current legally recognized term.

However, until such time as that is done, FOR CLARITY, we (collectively as a movement) choose to use the currently accepted term. All of us have to choose our battles. There are too few of us spread too thin to do the work that needs to be done to exert our energies at the current time toward this name change issue, but those who feel that it is their primary issue should go for it!

Many of us have been fighting this battle for decades to GET THE SEALED RECORD LAWS CHANGED! That has been our priority since the sixties and remains so. Our concern, as mothers, is first and foremost for the rights of our children to be equal to those of non-adopted persons in regard to their medical and birth records. We have chosen to put aside our own need to be called what we might prefer to be called (I personally am just a MOTHER with NO prefix whatsoever!) But because I am a mother, I put all that aside and put MY energies into fighting to open the sealed records. Part of doing that is standing up, bravely, wherever necessary, for what I believe.

Finally, while I am disappointed that you are not ready at this time to stand with us and FOR our children, I respect your choices, and hope in time to come to feel comfortable standing with us, no matter what we are called.

Those who stood with Rosa Parks did so as NEGROES, LONG BEFORE the “n” word was eradicated! It was only because of those courageous enough to stand up and be counted that the Blacks and other oppressed people all over the world have gotten the respect they so rightly deserve. (And the NAACP has kept it’s name to this day and is highly respected.)

There will always be a place for you in this movement. We hope you choose to join us in our fight. Remember that changes are better made from within, than standing on the outside and telling the front-line soldiers and old war heroes what we are doing wrong.

In sisterhood,

~ Mirah Riben,
60’s birthmother, author, activist

I am not allowed to see my surrender papers unless my son's adoptive parents consent to opening the records in the county he was adopted in. Therefore, I have no relinquishment papers, which I also think is unfair.

I am very frustrated because I do not have any papers whatsoever from the adoption of my son.

The agency I went through was Easter House in Chicago, Illinois. They tried desperately to keep my from seeing my son when he was born, but I would not agree. I had them draw up papers that stated that my son would NOT be adopted outside of the state of Illinois, and found out from the case-worker a couple of years later, by her "slipping" when I was questioning her, that they let my son be adopted out of state! Secondly, I requested that my son be placed in a home where the adoptive parents were "practicing Catholics", and the birthfather and I signed both of these papers in front of my mother and step father as witnnesses. Needless to say, I was lied to and misled by this agency, and they never gave me copies of any papers I signed, and because I was so devestated when I signed them at the time of letting my son go (when I was leaving the hospital), I did not even think about getting any copies of these documents. Also, the agency at no time ever, offered for me to have any type of leagl advice during my dealings with them, or during my signing of the papers. I wish now, I had a lawyer at the time. I cannot send you any papers, can you help me? Can you possibly tell me how I may get copies of these papaers?

I cannot send my surrender papers because I don't have them nor do I remember seeing them or signing them. I would like you to know that my son has found me!

I did not receive any relinquishment papers.

I did not sign or receive any surrender papers.

I do not or never did have copies of any papers that I signed. Was done by CYS I think.

I don't have "surrender papers" or even know what they are.

I feel our children have the right to their records just as every other American does.

I have never had a copy of my surrender papers, and now I am being told I have no right to have them. The attorney for the adoptive parents told me I could not stop the adoption from being finalized unless I had thousands of dollars to pay back the adoptive family for the legal and medical fees they had paid, I had to have the money right then and there. If I did not have the money, no judge in the world would let me keep my child because that would prove I could not care for her.

I received NO papers or copies of any papers relating to the relinquishment. I was not aware of the legal time-frame for changing my mind or even that there was one -- thought that since I had said yes to relinquishment prior to delivery that everything was sealed in stone. My daughter was removed from the hospital a few days after birth, while I was still a patient so I must have signed something that allowed that to occur altho I have no memory of it -- I had complications and was pretty out of it. I had did not have any legal representation, nor did I realize I was entitled to same. I was told she was placed early on but in actuality she was in foster care until August 1968 –

I want it to be known that I do not have a copy of my relinquishment papers nor to my knowledge was offered a copy. I also want it to be very clear that I am totally against the use of TWILIGHT SLEEP during delivery then or now or in the future because the whole week or longer following the birth of my child is a foggy memory with missing pieces. This drug was routinely used at the time (1981) and I don't even remember what was read to me in the office when I signed the papers. This may be something to add to your survey, about being drugged and the effects of it. Is that even legal.

I was forced into surrendering my baby through the dept of Social Services.

I was never given a copy of the surrender papers nor did I read them. I am now told that I have no legal right to any copies of any papers pertaining to the loss of my firstborn child to adoption, even though we have been reunited through the Wisconsin State Adoption Reunion Registry since August of 1991….I finally ended up surrendering my son when the social worker (Catholic Social Services) demanded thousands of dollars which she knew I did not have and had no way of getting before she would hand my baby over to me. To my young mind at the time I could not even imagine ever being able to pay off this bill while keeping myself alive before my son was a legal adult so I finally threw in the towel and agreed to sign the papers. Therefore,to my way of viewing the world my son was legally kidnapped by means of extortion. I not only think it is a basic human right for all adoptees to know who they were born to be but also the basic human right of all mothers to know what happened to the babies they were forced to part with.

I was never given any surrender papers. I signed them in the maternity home.

I'm sorry, I was never able to get a copy of my surrender papers. I was told they've been lost. Hope it's ok that I still participated in your survey.

My surrender paper clearly states; that " I agree that I will neither seek to discover his home, attempt his removal therefrom nor in any way molest the family in which he may be placed or other parties interested." Confidentiality to whom? not me....

My surrender was actually illegal. I was married at the time of my surrender to my son's father. He left the marriage when I was about 5 months pregnant and I never heard from him. I was coerced and forced to surrender my son for adoption by my parents. The agency that was used form my surrender knew that I was married, and as a result of that knowledge, changed my name and age and their papers indicated that I was unmarried. The result of these lies was a paper trail that led to nowhere. I spoke to the b-father a few years ago and he told me that he did call my house and was told by my mother that I never wanted to see him again and that I had aborted the pregnancy. He was certainly very surprised when I told him that he did in fact have a son who was alive and well and they did eventually meet. I am aware that there were some b-mothers who were married at the time of their surrender and your survey does not take into consideration this group, though small as it may be. Also, I was NEVER given a copy of my surrender papers though I did receive a copy of my son's original birth certificate!

One thing - you asked if I saw my baby when she was born. I was given anesthesia, so was not awake when she was born. I did get to hold her two days later for about 10 minutes. Though I did get pregnant as the result of rape and tried to get an abortion, but it was illegal in 1968 when I got pregnant.. gave birth in 1969. I absolutely wanted to keep my baby when I gave birth to her. I searched for and found her when she was 19 years old.

I speak out for open records whenever I have a chance. I was lied to when I changed my mind after my son was born. I was told (after I told the counselor that I could not leave the hospital without my baby)that my son's adoptive parents had already come to pick him up. I was so naive that I never questioned what they told me. After my son found me, I found out that my son was still in the hospital when I told the counselor I had changed my mind. I thought that because they had him the adoption was final. I had no legal idea about what my rights were at that time. I never miss an opportunity to talk to anyone about how birtmothers were the pawns of the adoption industry.

Sorry, I have no surrender papers to send. I don't think I ever had surrender papers. I have no memory of signing surrender papers. Maybe I never really relinquished my son??

Thank you for doing this. This is a project that's time has come. I would send a copy of my relinquishment papers, but I don't have them and never did. When I asked about them, they told me that they are sealed along with the OBC, which my son and I, who have been reunited for 15 years, are going to attempt to open this summer.

The adoption of my baby was orchestrated by the paternal grandparents. I told the attorney "No" he could not have my baby. I was tied to the delivery table and drugged the entire hospital stay. I had no one there tp protect me or my baby.

The only issue I have is that I never received a copy of my surrender papers. The reason I object to the unsealing of the records for adult adoptees is to protect the identity of rape victims or other unsavory unwanted pregnancy issues. There must be an "agent" involved that could contact the birthparent to ask if there would be a problem with providing the adoptee the information. If there is no issue with the birthparent, then the adoption records should be opened. Government should have no say in that matter.

Adult adoptees and their children are dying because they have no medical information. PLEASE HELP

I found my daughter with help from search sites on the internet. She hadn't been able to find me when she started searching for me 7 years earlier than I searched for her. Per what I had been told by Social/case worker that interviewed me at the SA Home, I was told that info that I left in my file for my child would be given to her or him and her parents upon their request. This was never done. IT was never offered to them and in fact the Agency lied and told the adopting parents nothing was available. I never sought anonimity. Period. I was pressured into giving up my child 'for her good', and assured that she would be able to find me if she everwanted to . I believe that was all lies to get me to relinquish. I had no rights then. My mother and the courts finalized my babies adoption or must have as I never appeared in any court or was given final papers to sign. I was kept drugged after my babies delivery until my mother took me home. I have never been able to get my hospital records. With enough money I would have hired an attorney and sued over this adoption.

As a birthmother, I was not promised confidentiality at the time of relinquishment. I was told there was "no guarantee" of privacy. Since I never wanted privacy, the "no guarnatee" statement was good news to me! My birthdaughter and I have met and are happy to know each other. She is an adult (26 years old). In NC, if we were to request her relinquishment papers, or her birth certificate together, arm in arm, smiling the whole way, we would not have that request granted. If I, as her birthmother, requested a copy of her original birth certificate, knowing that there would be only information about me and NOT her adoptive parents, I still would not be granted this request. The current system is idiotic and archaic and needs to be revised to give adoptees the rights that most take for granted.

As you can see from the survey, I relinquished my child in the UK (although I was an American military dependent at the time). When my daughter turned 18 in 1998, we both took steps to make contact. Since 1975, adoptees have been allowed to obtain their original birth certificates and a national registry was established in that country. The registry allows the birth family to register for a small fee and they are notified when the adoptee also registers, but only the adoptee is given contact information. Counseling is provided to the adoptee if they desire it. While all this information was not imparted to me by my so called "counselor" when I was in the last stages of pregnancy, I was told that my baby would have access to the original birth certificate. In our case, I wrote a "dear daughter" letter to the adoption agency, and she and I both signed on to the national registry. Within months we were physically reunited, even though I resided in Hawaii and she lived in England at the time. I think it would be very interesting to collect statistical info from England regarding the same arguments against open records (privacy promises, horror stories of stalking, etc.), as well as the number of reunions, requested counseling and so on. After all, this has been happening for 30 years in England! Good luck to all who are working so hard for open records!

I am appalled at the short amount of time between my son's birth and the date the county adoption agency required my signature on adoption papers - one week!!! I learned years later from the file that I missed the first appointment. I was in no emotional state to sign such important, life-altering documents, especially as I was not wanting to relinquish my child in the first place. Also, there was no real counselling for birthmothers, nor post-relinquishment counselling ... we had to try to keep our lives together the best we could, quietly and alone, and pay the consequences later in life, which we all did/do! (I have since found and been reunited with my beautiful son, 21 yrs ago, and he also feels it was the best thing for him to be found and reunited with me...he was only 14 at that time. He is now 36, father of 5, and we are a big part of each other's lives and families. He has been able to incorporate BOTH FAMILIES into his life and his family life with his wife and children, and he sees the benefit of having his birthfamily (which includes 3 half siblings) in his life and the lives of his young children. Having the love of not only my son, but my 5 wonderful grandchildren, and being able to love them & share my life with them, is more than a blessing. There are no words to adequately express what it means to me. The pain of the loss of my baby is never 100% gone, but we look at the present and the future, and are thankful for what we now have. Since finding my son, over 20 yrs ago, I have been an Adoption Search Consultant and have assisted with finding and reuniting hundreds of families over the years, all of which are happy reunited. Most adoptees say they don't know "why there is so much secrecy". I will support any organization that will help open original birth records to adult adoptees, and help birthparents and their relinquished children to find each other. Please contact me any time. Until Oct 1, the best number to reach me is: xxx/xxx.xxxx. I'd be interested in the results of this survey when completed. Thank you,

I can only hope & pray that the legislature realizes how much good could / would come from opening our childrens' records. Sincerely,

I cannot mail you copies of my surrender papers because I never received any. I went through what was known as Catholic Social Services and is now known as Catholic Charities in San Francisco, CA.

I do not have a copy of surrender papers.

I do not have copies of the adoption papers. I have question the agency about getting copies of something but because the records are closed they will not give me any infomation.

I do not have relenquishment papers, as I was never given any. I chose to place my child for adoption, in order to secure her future, and give her a loving home. It broke my heart most that I would not be able to see her, or have pictures of her, or know that she was doing well. The day she turned 18 years old, I began registering on-line with the little information, that connected her to me. Her date of birth and State. It took 13 years for us to finally make the connection. Yes I gave up my Parental rights, when I signed adoption papers. But I am still her mother and always will be. No paper or court can change that. Hiding it from public view cannot change that. Locking us away from each other cannot change that. Because of the system, I have been denied 13 years of time to spend with my daughter. It was a choice that I find her, as it was her choice to find me. Glad we overcame the system. Unlock the records for those that want them unlocked.

I do not have relinquishment papers to send. I found my son 4/8/03 813am He loves me and we have a great relationship. The section about did my child find me should be revised to having a choice of answer of I found my child. That was hard to decide how to answer and had to go back over it a few times before I decided to answer.

I don't have copies of the surrender papers.I do remember being asked by the agency if I wanted my birth daughter to have my identifing info if she wanted when she was of age.Of course I said YES!!!!!

I don't have surrender papers.

I don't think I ever possessed surrender papers. The adoption agency, Catholic Charities of Ft. Worth, is very reluctant to assist me with my search or provide any information.

I dont remember if the father knew I was pregnant...I was told by Dan Freedman (The Worker) that I should give John Cory a better home and raise the baby I was gonna have as I was pregnant by 5 mths at the time my son Was robbed of his parent(Me),He also asked me cuz My husband comitted suicide if I was still gona fight for my son...HES AN IDIOT for even asking that question to a mom whos about to lose her baby.... Its very important to our childs heritage to Open all State Records...This secrecy created unstable adults and they had no choices and either did I have a choice...My son was Taken not relinquished,Why are we suffering( Adoptees & Real Parents ) Theres no Need for this OPEN RECORDS IN ONTARIO & ELSEWHERE NEEDED!!!!!!!!!

I feel that birth mothers are treated as donars for adoptive parents. We are shadow mothers with no rights. We are treated as though we made a "mistake". That we are/were bad and that these wonderful people will take our mistake out of our hands. In 1966/67, I received little health care during the pregnancy and none afterward. I had no counseling. I was never given alternatives to giving up my son. I was treated cruelly and unfairly by my family and society. The pain never left. The wound never healed. The scar is still there and will be until the day I die. Relinquishing my child was the worst mistake I ever made and left a hole in my heart that will never heal. I found my birth son and he wants nothing to do with me. And so the pain continues...

I have always been under the impression that a birth parent has a reasonable period of time to reverse their decision. I changed my mind in less than a month and was told his adoption was already finalized. When he was 5, i found out the the people who had adopted him had returned him like so much defective merchandise. Even then, I was not given the opportunity to retrieve my child. At no time was his maternal grandmother offerred the option to adopt him. My son was born in 1985. As late as 1994, I was in court with his father and DSS over child support. If he was paying support, then obviously his adoption was never finalized and my reversal of decision should have been honored. Recently, I began my search for him in earnest, only to find out that his father knows where he is, refuses to tell me, and has lied to him his entire life. At first he denied he was even the father, and said that paternity tests were inconclusive. However, I was there, and the tests were positve. THey pretty much had to be as I got pregnant the first time I ever had sex!!!My son is now nearing 20 years old and has been lied to his entire life. He believes I abused him and hated him. (This is what his stepmother told my search angel..go figure) How far from the truth that is. If I were to find him tomorrow, it would take the rest of his life to make him understand that I loved him so much, and didnt know what else to do. I didnt know how to fight the system and keep him with me. What else could I do??

I have located my son, but we have not reunited. I have contact with his adoptive parents and look forward to one day meeting him. I initiated the search, but do to special medical circumstances, his parents have been very open towards communication.

I have never been given a copy of the papers I signed in 1970 & the agency has refused to give anything I signed since that time - I have requested all that info & have been denied.

I never received a copy of the relinquishment papers. I seem to recall signing the papers at a lawyers office but do not recall his name. My son was concieved during a sexual assault in NJ. It was not reported because of the shame & I thought it was my fault. My son began a search before I did, the intermediary I hired found him, so we found each other!

I was 16 when I became pregnant in 1969. I had the baby girl in 1970 at the age of 17. I was forced by my Mother to relinquish my child and I do not have any paper work showing anything about the relinquishment or the adoption. My Mother has since passed away and I cannot get any further information. I do know the agency and the name of my social worker at the time of birth.

I was never given a copy of the surrender papers.

I was never given any papers, legal or otherwise. I surrended my baby through Catholic Charities in Denver, CO.

I was never given any surrender papers and have no idea of how to obtain them. After 20 years now I am just learning through this survey that I have a right to surrender papers? I'm shocked. I am now going to pursue trying to obtain them through the Dupage County Courthouse where they were signed. Frustrated birthmom,

I was never given any surrender papers! I was given nothing at all.

I was never given any surrender papers, not even a word! I searched for my daughter and found her by calling a private number in San Francisco in 1990 of a woman who had all the birth records for all adoptions in California in her apartment on microfish--that is the irony of closed records, adoptees around the nation have quiety ferreted out the records from state archives and have them in private ownership--some "system." I have been wonderfully reunited for all these years. The worst thing is that my daughter's adoptive family fell apart and caused her to go onto a life of confusion, addiction, fear and loneliness until I found her. She had not been addicted since!

I was not found by my daughter but, rather, found her.

I was put into a home for unwed mothers, florence crittendon, in Georgia. Not that I wanted to go but was forced by my mother and the social services agency. I repeatedly said i did not want to give up my child, but was told how selfish i was, how i would be able to give it nothing,how the people that wanted to adopt it had gone out and bought all new things and were crying because they wanted to be his parents. When my beautiful, blond hair, blue eyed, healthy baby boy was born I was induced labor and so drugged up i didn't wake until the afternoon of the next day. He was born at 12:22pm in the afternoon of the 1st of April, 1974. I called my worker and said I was not giving him up. She came immediately to the hospital and told me again how selfish i was and all the rest. I had my baby boy for three days in the hospital. I held him and kissed him. I fed him and I changed him. I counted his toes and marvelled at his innocent beauty. On the third day, they took me back to the home and i never saw my baby boy again. I named him on his birth certificate, James Christopher. I kept asking for my baby, but they never let me see him again. They put him in a foster home for 6 weeks because I wouldn't sign the papers. No one EVER give me any help or guidance or alternatives to adoption. They told me if i didn't sign the papers i would have to pay for staying in the home. I would have to pay the hospital and doctor bills, because since i wasn't giving him up it would be my obligation, not theirs. And they my parents would throw me us out of my home. And that I would lose custody of him anyway because I couldn't support him. After six weeks i said i would sign the papers, but only if I could have a picture of him and that he would always know he was adopted and that I didn't want to give him up because i loved him. I also asked that he be given the clothes I had for him and for them to give them to him when he was grown so he would know i loved him. I was told all this would be and my worker took him to her house and took a picture and gave it to me. A couple of months after signing i left home and the state. All i could think of was my baby. I cried and hurt so bad in my heart. I called a lawyer and he told me i was young...I would have more. So cruel. I called my worker every year on his birthday and begged her to tell me where my son was. I just stopped a few years ago. I thought when he turned 18 I would see him. Now he is 30. My life would always be incomplete until I see my son again. My child was kidnapped legally and i was blackmailed into giving him to a couple that i'm sure paid very well. I want to see these adult children AND the birthparents to have rights to information about their parents or child. They are in this world through our bodies and that DOES give us a right. Thank you for letting me express my feelings on this issue. I just pray he is still alive and they I see him before i die.

I was the searcher and found my daughter in April of 2003. I don't believe any of the questions allowed for this information.

I would like to add that the Cradle Society did not hold up to what I was told would happen to my baby for the best of his welfare..I feel they deceived me and did not have my childs best interest at heart..They agreed to care for him for two months while they allowed adopted parents to go on a two month vacation in order to straighten their marriage..I wish somehow this organzation would be investigated..My childs life from that point on was not a loving, nurturing life..It was common knowledge that adopting was a means to save a marriage...that was so wrong.. I might add the Cradle then gave them another child two years later..Shortly after they divorced.. The adopted father was very wealthy and well known..

In 1969, at age 16, I made suggestions on ways I could keep my child; however, every adult in my life that knew about my pregnancy told me that relinquishment was the ONLY choice if I REALLY LOVED my child. I was told I should relinquish my child, so my child could have a two parent home. This was told to me by my parents, priests, nuns, Catholic Charities personnel, adoption agency personnel, and social worker. In reality, three years later in 1972 I had saved $3000.00 from working after school and after I graduating from high school, was married, and owned a home with my husband. Meaning, I could have kept my child and given him a wonderful home.

In my opinion, all American's have the right to their Original Birth Certificate. Confidentially, was never given to me or to any of the girls who were in the maternity home with me. The laws must be changed to give adoptees the same rights as any other American.

Just because I couldn't support and raise my child doesn't mean that I didn't/don't love her like her as much as I do her younger half siblings.

My baby's adoption was handled by the doctor that delivered the baby and an attorney he introduced me to. The doctor said the attorney was the a-parents attorney. I gave this attorney the name of my baby's father. I also gave this attorney all of the names of my family members, because I thought this might be helpful if my child was going to look for me someday. I was let to believe that I could find my child when she reached the age of 18. I was allowed to see the baby when she was born only.- I feel like I was coerced. I now am afraid that maybe the doctor and this attorney were in the baby selling business. I was told that the a-parents were going to pay the hospital bill, but later found out that they did not pay. I was in a bad place in my life at the time, and I believe that they took advantage of it. I placed my baby because I wanted her to have a better life than what I could provide at the time. I wish with all my heart that I had not placed her. I have always and will always love her.

My daughter was placed in 1959 through the supposedly best agency in the state. Her parents were older than would normally be considered, and she believes it was their money that helped them pass this hurdle. Her father was a drinking alcoholic which the agency did not ascertain. Her parents were killed in a car accident when she was 12. She was placed with her paternal grandparents who were both drinking alcoholics. When she was 18 she returned to the agency that placed her and they assisted her in finding me. I was very angry that the agency placed her in an alcoholic home. Had I known they would do that, I would have considered keeping her myself. My efforts in placing her concerned providing her with "better" parents that I could provide. While they certainly had the money to do this, at least initially, alcoholism still is responsible for extreme disfunction in a home and was a contributing cause to their deaths. At the time of their deaths, I would have welcomed her into my home and had the ability to care for her. Of course that option was never considered by her remaining family. I'm not totally against adoption, but I support open adoptions and think that many changes in the system need to occur. The pain the adoption caused both my daughter and me cannot be ignored. It is one huge factor in who she is and who I am. Finding her was wonderful. It made me into a whole person. But the holes in both her heart and my heart will never heal.

Please feel free to contact me regarding open records. I am married to the birthfather. He is an adoptee..I am in full support to having the records open...

Please send me fax number so I can send surrender papers.

Questions regarding being "promised" confidentiality.....I was ordered - not promised...I would never be able to know my son, and he would never be able to know me. re: mother's knowledge of my pregnancy - my mother was deceased

Re: the question about considering abortion... I very briefly considered that option, but discarded it. During the pregnancy, I felt a very strong bond with my baby and dreaded delivery because afterwards, he would no longer be mine.

Was not sure on the 'I was found' part. I have been reunited with my Birth Son since 4-1-03 through the help if a court issued CI in Michigan. I was the one whom intiiated the search, so I really can't say I was found, but he was thrilled to be found, as were his Adoptive Parents--just one big happy family now...finally complete! Open the records!

When child surrendered, was told i had 30 days to sign final papers...i never signed any relinquishment papers. If so, didn't know what i was signing.was told during entire pregnancy they already had family 'waiting'for her. Born 11/13/63...in searching for her found that her adoption was not finalized until 12/30/1965..when i called agency in march or april 1964 to inquire about her and to perhaps keep her, was told she 'had just been placed' with a home and that it was 'too late for me to change my mind, even though i had never signed papers. At that time, i had gotten a job and could have provided for her. It appears she was not adopted as promised to me until months later after birth and the final papers were almost two years later. What happened during that time? I'm currently listed on international soundex and many registries...still searching.i am in total support of 'open records', especially for the 'adopted adult'. I feel they have a 'right' to know thetheir 'heritage' regardless of any promises that may have been made to birthmothers or birthfathers. They have a 'right' to have a 'right' to know.

Would the Queens County (NY) Courthouse have the relinquishment papers on file? Could I obtain a copy to send to you? The bfather's name is nowhere it can be found; only I can supply it and will not **ever**. Never was it stated that the relinquishment could be reversed within a certain timeframe; had I only known that information....